Summer

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Following my Jan 2011 breast cancer diagnosis I endured 7 months of chemotherapy treatments  and was relieved to be finally done in early August. Shortly after I underwent a double mastectomy with the placement of breast expanders, followed by 6 weeks of daily radiation treatment.  Radiation treatment was by far the easiest to take physically, but the hardest for me mentally. 

On my tenth day of radiation treatment I drove myself to the clinic as usual. It was a bright sunny day and I was looking forward to enjoying the rest of the day once treatment was through.  I had already completed months of chemotherapy and a double mastectomy, so 6 weeks of daily radiation was to be my final treatment before being pronounced breast cancer free.  

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Radiation wasn't particularly difficult other than my up-stretched arm turning completely numb while laying perfectly still. By the time treatment ended I always needed help sitting up and my technician always swooped in quickly, graciously offering his hand. I'm guessing I wasn't the first person with this issue and thank God he was a caring soul that didn't wait for an embarrassing struggle before helping.  These small gestures are so appreciated when stripped of hair, breasts, and most of ones dignity. 

The mental torture of having to be exposed to radiation was so much more difficult than the physical, and I was truly frightened.  The very idea of radiation beaming into my body shook me to the bone. I knew that extended exposure to radiation CAUSED cancer so it was hard to wrap my mind around how high doses could potentially cure me.  Apparently the chance of breast cancer recurrence without radiation was much higher than the chance of developing a new cancer from radiation treatment - so I had to submit.

Every weekday for 6 weeks I was scheduled to receive radiation, so I quickly developed a calming routine.  I would lay down on the radiation table and pray to Jesus. By that time I had been studying Akiane's book Her Life, Her Art, Her Poetry and knew it inside out. I always asked Jesus (click this link to see Shroud of Turin comparison) to hold my hand and protect me when the radiation turn on.  This kept me occupied and peaceful while remaining perfectly still for the duration of the treatment.  If I moved at all they would have to start over so it was very important that I not move.

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I was almost done with my radiation treatment for the day and had one final bout to go. It was then that something truly miraculous occurred.  I heard the radiation turn on and started praying like usual.  But a second or two into my prayer it was like someone had turned on a T.V inside my mind's eye- there was Jesus!  He appeared exactly as depicted in Akiane Kramarik’s “Prince of Peace” painting!  It's so difficult to describe except to say the sight was as real as if my eyes were wide open.  There was no dream like quality at all to my Vision of Jesus.

A few more seconds passed and suddenly Jesus’s eyes grew very large and I saw geese flying in them.  The geese weren’t frozen like in Akiane’s paintings, but were actively flying.  I knew that geese in His eyes were mentioned in one of Akiane’s poems but I couldn’t remember the line, or the poem for that matter.  So I inwardly laughed and told Jesus that I had no idea what this meant right now but that He was doing a great job of keeping my mind off the radiation.