May 2022
Life is a constantly shifting balancing act. We juggle family life, work/school life, social life - all while trying to attain financially stability, personal fulfillment, and physical health. All of this can be more than overwhelming, and we still haven't addressed our emotional and spiritual needs! How can all of this fit into a single day? The answer is- most difficultly. A perfectly balanced day is highly improbable, and we need to zoom out to analyze our trends over time.
Life doesn't come with a handbook and most of us simply follow our parents blueprint, healthy or not. Self realization is a relatively new idea as history did not provide our ancestors with time outside their survival needs to even contemplate these ideas. Yet modern society affords us a base level of survival, freeing up our thoughts for deeper introspection.
We can begin to look inward to analyze why we personally operate the way we do, and question if our life has been balanced, fulfilling, or if it is lacking in some aspect. Mistakes require the perspective of age to fully appreciate, so reviewing our past with compassion is important.
Know: our energy is limited but we can partition it thoughtfully.
If the entire circle above represents our total available energy for any given day, then each pie section represents a percentage. Some may spend 40% of their day working at an office, whereas others may spend that time in the gym. All of us apportion the above circle uniquely, and some omit whole pieces of the pie altogether. However psychologists remind us that to remain happy and healthy requires some semblance of balance in our lives. We can't ignore our own personal growth, or our family while remaining healthy balanced people. Lack in one area creates stress and overall dissatisfaction with life.
There’s only so much energy we can pour into any one area of life. People must pick and choose what to spend time on because life is full of demands and it's impossible to attend to everything perfectly. We cannot expect expertise in one area of our lives without a diversion of energy from another area. Our daily energy allotment is limited.
Why do we expect so much from ourselves?
Holding unreasonable expectations about oneself is painful because it feels like constant failure. This perspective is so limiting and unnecessary. How much more could one achieve when negative self talk is flipped on its head and turned into positive self talk? It's as simple as recognizing ones negative internal speech, and deciding to change it. The key is to change our internal dialogue, even if the belief behind our words isn't quite there yet.
How does this work? It is surprising to know that behavior can work in reverse and serve to change our beliefs and thought. New behavior informs our self that we have changed, and works as an ardent promoter. Positive self talk can feel awkward, as consciously forcing it may seem inauthentic. Yet all sales people know the power of repetition! Over time new behaviors evolve into habits that become unconscious. Our internal dialogue is thus flipped like a toggle and no longer requires such effort. In essence we can convince ourselves of our positive nature! Simply accept the challenge to change, and know that you will.
The beautiful genius of a person is fully intact at birth -independent of life achievement.
The compassion and acceptance we have for our children should also extend inward towards ourselves. As parents we love our children unconditionally and know there's no limit to their achievements when they believe in themselves. We realize their own self love and acceptance is most important for their life fulfillment and expression. Yet so many of us parents are not so kind to ourselves. Forgiving oneself as we forgive our children is so difficult but important.
Whether a person can fully express their authentic self to the world, and achieve personal satisfaction and growth is entirely up to them. All people are born into this world with a natural brilliance unique to them. Children know exactly what they need. By young adulthood this gets stifled by unrealistic societal, familial, and self imposed expectations.
Children are creatures of nature and do not work until they are bleary eyed. If they play too long and hard they breakdown and cry, halting in their tracks. Animals are very similar as their work/rest cycles naturally ebb and flow within the rhythm of the day. For example, birds do not relentlessly build their nest for hours on end while pushing themselves to exhaustion. There's simply no need. The birds intuitively know their nest will eventually be built in time for egg laying. We too should trust in Universal timing.
We may look to children and nature as inspiration for repairing our own pinched existence. Extreme behavior is only warranted when our very lives are at risk. Burnout is very common in today's world, and it is not because our survival is threatened. Our burnout is self inflicted and results from comparing ourselves to others and simply not feeling good enough. We need to individually question what drives us to regularly push ourselves beyond our own healthy boundaries. What desires burn within us so intensely, beyond reason?
This all makes complete sense when we talk openly, putting words to our feelings. We KNOW that when we work a 40-60 hour week the other parts of our lives suffer. OF COURSE our physical and mental health will be compromised. It is entirely against our intuitive nature to behave this way... yet we do.
It's time to think very carefully about what we truly want out of our own lives and how we consciously and unconsciously push our children into fulfilling our own failed dreams. Any focused pursuit comes at a cost, and finding life balance cannot be summarized into an equation. It is unfair to shove our own unresolved suffering onto our children as their burden to carry into the future.
Should the destination be the primary focus of our life, or the journey itself? Yes it’s faster to to head straight and true in one direction, but we may miss the side roads with the ice cream shops and the fruit stands! As the Buddha advises, the middle way is key to our happiness.
All people burn with desire and are subject to suffering.
Every single person on earth has unresolved craving that has propelled them to this moment in time. Our desire can be wealth, personal achievement, or even lie outside of ourselves, like a yearning for world peace. Even the "holiest"people practicing meditation to attain spiritual enlightenment can have deep longing and suffering at their root.
Desire is the root of all suffering. Even the desire to desire nothing, is still desire, and thus we are caught in a loop. We all crave something different from the present moment, and so we are in pain. Deep gratitude for our present life in all its glorious imperfection can be liberating.
Questions to contemplate:
How have we gotten to this point in time, and has our suffering abated?
If not, why not?
What will we do differently today to ease our pain?
Is it possible that simple acknowledgement and acceptance is part of the solution?
We need to stop and answer these questions for ourselves. The trick is to find the balance between the destination (achievement) and the journey of life itself! In this way we honor our energetic limitations while supporting our overall mental and physical health. This can have a compound effect that reaches out from our living example through to our families and communities, inspiring others on their life journey.
Look around and notice - most of society is operating blindly, having never analyzed our behavior. We wake up to our buzzing alarms everyday in a stupor of repetition. Our brains have automated the anticipated repetitive tasks in order to free up energy for more demanding thought. Our thoughts are energetically expensive, consuming a whopping 20% of our daily calories. How much of our thought is automated and what real thoughts are we giving life to?
Imagination is the blueprint for all manifestation.
The very first step in manifesting our dreams lies in our imagination. No physical object or achievement occurs without a prior vision.Therefore the quality of our thoughts is of utmost importance. Self defeating talk and pessimism can sneak in easily so careful examination is required. The Olympic athlete knows this all too well as positive visualization is a key component to the success of all athletes.
Olympic training or any great effort requires an intense dedication and focus which effectively pulls energy from other parts of life. For example there aren't enough hours left in the day for most athletes to financially support themselves. Imbalance can manifest as stress or illness if loved ones don't step in to support the athlete with their own time and energy.
Family support can mitigate the effects of imbalance...but what if loved ones aren't supportive of the pursuit? This can occur for a variety of reasons and is likely when too many family members are high achievers and no one is left to pick up the slack. The energy equation cannot be lopsided for long while remaining healthy. Someone will inevitably burnout and succumb to the effects of stress.
Focused energy has a cost. Who is going to pay?
Entering a dedicated life lane with eyes wide open is most important, as family support and sacrifice is what allows any high performer to succeed. No athlete or high achiever wins a medal by themselves. Loved ones have always been, and will always be vital.
Yet superhero’s can also be just regular people who somehow manage to live the entirety of their lives with equanimity. These admirable people have found the ever elusive- balanced lifestyle. Conscious living is energetically expensive as it requires constantly shifting thoughts and focus. It’s much easier to pick one lane of traffic than navigate the most efficient path through six lanes - and our lives involve many more lanes than six!
We alone choose our lanes, speed, and the detours. A focused pursuit may have admirable outcomes, yes, but it’s not necessarily superior to a more balanced approach. The balanced approach is self sustaining and not overly dependent on outside support. In that light the well balanced life is perhaps less selfish than the highly focused life. It's an interesting idea to contemplate.
If we choose a highly focussed pursuit in life we should be eternally grateful to those who support us. Mountain peaks do not exist without the support of the entire mass beneath them. When gracious souls willingly and lovingly extend their personal energy to others it's important to recognize them as selfless unsung heroes.
We may never attain a perfectly balanced life because perfection itself is a fallacy. The key is to shift focus from the apparent "failures" of life and reframe them positively. As long growth and learning are the goal we must allow ourselves the space to be perfectly imperfect. We give no less to our children and we too deserve that same grace. That, I believe, is what we all so desperately need - a deep enduring empathy for ourselves and all that we are. It's time to start living this way, so we can truly believe it.
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